The Wasted Life

So, I've been reading Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper for about three weeks now. I'm making slow progress because I don't have a lot of time and it's a lot of info to chew on. Still, as I read, I find myself nodding along with nearly everything in this book. Piper talks about what's wrong with American Christianity today and what we need to do in order to live the live God intended for us - to live the life not wasted. He speaks of the purpose of man and how we are meant to live in accordance to God's plan. And, up until last Friday, I thought I was doing alright.

This last weekend, I visited Ecola for the third time this year. It was a bittersweet weekend filled with lots of good memories, making several new friends, catching up, and a few goodbyes. It definitely made me miss just living at the beach. There's something that happened on that trip, a heart thing, that I need to examine.

Friday night, the students were having a worship time in the chapel and I decided to stop by. When I got there, I just stood in the doorway not feeling like it was my place to go in. I listened as the students poured their hearts out to God through prayer and then praise Him in song. I watched them support each other when a brother or sister was obviously struggling. It became hard for me to watch and even brought tears to my eyes because I miss that. I miss living in that environment where there's always someone to pray with you where God is ALWAYS at the forefront. It's easy to remember why we're here and who we're living for when you have bible classes five days a week.

It began to question God, to ask him why I didn't have this amazing fellowship anymore. I wished that I was as close to Him as I was last year - that I was still reading my bible and praying every morning. Then came the wave of tears and the tearing of my heart.

My heart broke when God reached down and told me that I could be this close to Him still - that I was the only thing standing in my way. I simply was not willing to make the sacrifice of my time or my sleep or my tv shows. I was ashamed.
My heart broke because I realized that I was living the wasted life God calls us away from. I had been talking about my aspirations to become a missionary while neglecting to love my co-workers and the people in my classes at school.

I came to these realizations on Friday but I fear I forgot all about them Saturday morning and haven't thought much of them until now.

Father,
Be with me.
Help me.
Lift me up.
I can't do this on my own.
Constantly remind me who I am,
Why I'm here.

I am a disciple of Jesus Christ and I MUST lose my life to gain it.